The “I” in Media and
Motivations
Clinical Psychotherapist, EdM, LMSW
Jenny Mahlum is a best-selling author and acclaimed therapist specializing in sex therapy, couples counseling, and intimacy. Her expertise has been featured in The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Newsweek, and Everyday Health. An NYU-trained therapist with additional degrees in psychology and human development from Harvard and Northwestern, Jenny merges a deep understanding of human behavior with clinical excellence. We partnered with Jenny as part of Kiehl's Pubic Library to delve into uncensored conversations about all things personal and intimate—explore her expert insights below.
The media significantly influences what's in vogue, whether it's bare bikini lines or the fragrances in cosmetic products, as it strives to keep up with and stay ahead of trends. This makes it challenging to discern whether the media is merely reflecting trends or actively creating them. This cyclical, chicken-or-egg dynamic continually fuels and sustains many people’s fascination with beauty.
The invention of the bikini turned the spotlight onto the bikini area, prompting advertisers to promote products for smooth bikini lines, as well as bare legs and arms. The debut of the Brazilian Wax widened this trend (literally and figuratively!), popularized by celebrity endorsements from icons like Naomi Campbell. With the trend of less hair came increased attention from the media, cementing the idea that hairlessness was the ideal.
Fast forward to today, and the media is spotlighting the reclamation of body hair as natural. People’s April 2023 article, Body Hair, Don't Care! Stars Who Aren't Shy About Showing Off Their Underarm and Leg Hair, highlights celebrities embracing their natural look. Vogue’s November 2023 feature, 28 Celebrities Who Prove That Underarm Hair Is the Ultimate Show of Confidence, further cements the acceptance of body hair as a symbol of self-assurance. PopSugar’s recent May 2024 piece, 19 Celebrities Normalizing Body Hair (Because Yes, Everybody Has It), emphasizes the growing movement to normalize body hair as part of everyday beauty.
SOCIAL MEDIA & SELF-CONCEPT
When considering the story of shifting norms in alignment with evolutions in media, it’s important to consider the role of the individual. The power of media is no longer confined to advertisers in conference rooms, film directors on sets, and journalists in newsrooms and TV stations. Now, social media influencers and content creators hold significant sway. Every content creator, regardless of their sphere of influence, contributes to the broader landscape of "media."
Two theories explain how people’s choices are influenced and reinforced by social media: Impression Management Theory and The Selectivity Paradigm. Impression Management Theory suggests that people are motivated to present the best version of themselves to others. This drive comes from wanting to make a good impression and gain social approval. Essentially, people manage how they’re perceived by highlighting traits and behaviors they think will get a positive response, with a major focus on appearance.
The Selectivity Paradigm of media use suggests that people prefer information that matches their existing beliefs and attitudes, and select media to meet a specific need. So if someone is focused on their looks, they’re likely to seek out more appearance-related content on social media. And if they’re feeling self-conscious about their appearance, they’re likely to choose content that offers social approval and validation, fulfilling a need for affirmation.
UNCOVER YOUR MOTIVATIONS
In a world where the media continually shapes people’s perceptions of beauty and themselves, understanding why a person does what they do can promote a healthier self-concept—in other words, a stronger "sense of me". Self-concept is a construction of one’s physical characteristics, perceived social roles, attitudes, and beliefs. It's a reflection of their social world and the relationships they experience within that world. Accessing a better understanding of who someone is and what matters to them, and why, can increase their self-concept clarity, or the extent to which they have a stable and consistent sense of self.
One crucial element of self-concept is self-talk, the inner chatter that shapes how someone sees themselves. Engaging in positive self-talk improves self-concept, increases self-compassion, boosts efficacy, and elevates self-esteem. Conversely, negative self-talk diminishes self-concept, reduces self-compassion, harms self-efficacy, and adversely impacts self-esteem.
By delving into the reasons behind your actions and decisions, you can gain clarity and take control of your behaviors, ultimately enhancing your self-concept. Here are some steps to uncover your motivations:
1. Identify Your Values
Pin down what truly matters to you in life and why. Think of your core values as your personal GPS—guiding you towards decisions and actions that resonate with your inner self. When you understand and express your values, you connect with yourself and others authentically, showcasing your true self. Understanding and embracing your values can help you make more focused, confident, and fulfilling choices.
2. Reflect on Your Feelings and Motivations
Pause and ponder the driving forces behind your choices. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is it for me, or someone else? Do I feel pressured? How does this choice impact me? How do I feel before, during, and after? Honest reflection can reveal hidden beliefs influencing your behavior.
3. Be Honest with Yourself
Let go of feelings like embarrassment or shame when examining your motivations. If you feel pressured to have a certain motivation, it can be tough to identify what really drives you. Acknowledging that your decisions may be influenced by external factors, societal expectations and "shoulds" is the first step. Even if your motivation clashes with your values, being truthful is key. It boosts self-awareness and fosters clarity. If you decide to make a different decision, great! If not, contextualize your decision with compassion. You might say, "I dislike my reason, but it makes sense why I'm choosing this for now."
4. Explore Alternative Motivations
Consider various reasons for your actions. You might engage in behaviors for multiple benefits. While external pressures or societal influences may play a role, there are often additional personal gains. Acknowledge all influences and embrace the layers of motivation, understanding what you derive from each behavior and practice.
BOOST YOUR MENTAL WELL-BEING
Understanding your true motivations can allow you to make informed, self-aware choices about your appearance and care routines, impacting your mental health positively. Here are additional ways boost your mental well-being:
1. Track Your Thoughts
Ever feel like your mind has a mean streak? These thoughts often arise automatically. By tracking and paying attention to your thoughts, you can challenge any negative or distorted beliefs about yourself and your appearance. Then, reframe them into something more neutral or even positive.
2. Positive Self-Talk
Imagine talking to yourself like you would to your best friend. Remind yourself why you made certain choices with compassion. Besides reframing negative and distorted thoughts, sprinkle in some positive affirmations. Phrases like "I deserve love and care" or "My body deserves kindness" can work wonders.
3. Practice Body Neutrality
Appreciate what your body can do, rather than focusing solely on its appearance. You don't need to love or hate it; simply accept it as it is. Start by identifying a neutral body part—perhaps your elbow, a toe, or a finger—and take note of how it feels. Gradually extend this perspective to other parts, viewing them as just components of your body, not as measures of your worth. This shift in mindset can cultivate a deeper sense of acceptance.
4. Practice Gratitude
Be thankful for what your body can accomplish. Say thank you out loud or in your mind to various body parts and body functionalities.
By integrating these strategies into your life, you can build a healthier relationship with yourself and foster a resilient self-concept based on authenticity and self-compassion. A person’s perceptions, care practices, and interpretations of appearance profoundly impact their mind, body, and heart. Each choice someone makes, and how they interpret their choices and motivations, can shape their wellbeing.
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